After scouring the inter-web and extra-net for several years, I have come upon the following heretofore unknown (except in the deepest, darkest corners of Mother Russia) SECRET* kettlebell training information.
This information will result in instant fat loss, explosive muscle gain, INSANE ENDURANCE, and fighting skills of a Navy SEAL!!!
You will fear no man, woman, PERSON!!!
This information was previously kept secret, but thanks to a 16-year-old computer hacker and video game expert, ALL IS NOW REVEALED!!!
The Secret of Kettlebell Strength Secrets is normally $197.00 for the 12-DVD set. But now, you can have your copy for just $47, $27, FREE!
I’m already on my way to an undisclosed location, somewhere in the Southern Hemisphere. Once the Big Boys of the kettlebell training world find out I released this, their lawyers will be out for my hide!
You see, they’ve got their money. And you gave it to them willingly! They released book after book, video after video, all showing their One True Way to kettlebell Nirvana. And they’re rich now! But are you???
Sure, you went to their “certifications”. Did countless burpees when someone else wasn’t paying attention or moving quickly enough. Made a video of yourself and your kettlebell to send back to “them”. You P-A-I-D good money to enjoy the discomfort friend! All to be able to tell your neighbors that you’re pretty good at playing with a metal ball that has a handle on the top.
My friends, that ends here. That ends n-o-w!
Behold The Secrets!!!
You too can master the secrets of kettlebell strength secrets by loosely following the next five steps–
- Lift kettlebells for strength using applicable programs developed by people way better than you.
- Lift kettlebells for ten minutes in contests using applicable programs developed by people (usually Russian) who are way better than you.
- Lift kettlebells using several different exercises in a circuit for 45 minutes to an hour using applicable programs developed by people with insane endurance and strength.
- Juggle kettlebells using fantastic hand/eye coordination developed by spending years following steps 1-3 (above).
- Lift kettlebells along with other weighted items using workouts that change daily and sometimes earn you the right to vomit upon completion, thereby earning you elite status among your peers and those who designed the programs.
There. That’s it. The Secrets are out.
I’m officially on the run. I’ve slipped on my blue camo Vibram Five Fingers and I’m running (in a natural stride) for my life. The photo below was taken at a secret location using infrared night-vision technology.
I/we may or may not have completed our “heavy” Enter The Kettlebell practice on Saturday. And I/we, may or may not have finished four ladders of three rungs of kettlebell cleans and presses and inverted rows. I/we may have then practiced sets of twenty five swings with five seconds of rest for six minutes, finishing with 175 total reps. I can neither confirm nor deny that information. To do so would put my family and I at risk.
Go. Take the Secrets of Kettlebell Strength Secrets and spread the word. Be stronger. Live longer.
*(Disclaimer: This is just a joke. Kinda. There aren’t any secrets. Just be consistent and practice good form. When it stops being fun, try a different movement or program. That’s really all there is to it.)
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